El corazón juega (part 3)

Warning: this is a ridiculously LONG post about LOVE and EGO, and I’m hoping MOST of you will skip over it (really, who would want to read a boring post that’s almost 1500 words??). It’s incredibly personal (even more so than the original spicy latino love post that started the “el corazón juega” series). Sharing this publicly on my blog (albeit anonymously) feels just as uncomfortable and scary as launching my first product. But since I have come to learn that it’s the scariest things that contribute most to our growth (why do you think I bungee jumped in Africa?), here goes…

One more note: I may have started this anonymous blog as an outlet for capturing my ups and (even more important) my downs in my entrepreneurial journey, but as I continue to write, I’m finding myself penning down thoughts that are a mixture of The Lean Startup, Eat, Pray, Love and The Power of Now (and even some sprinklings of Rumi).

It’s tricky to figure out where to begin, especially as I am trying to piece together a blog post I started over a month ago in a completely different mindset than I am in now… it’s piling on, some of it fresher than the rest… perdí una cuidad bella que me encanta, perdí muchos amigos que quiero y perdí un chico que amo (please notice my correct usage of 3 different verbs that each mean “to love” in English).

It’s past 1am [now 5am as I do a final read-through], my sis-in-law is in the hospital 3 cm dilated (so I may become an aunt later today — wow!)… I have returned from a week-long retreat in California with other members of the software roundtable, completely re-charged in terms of my desire to scale up my business (side note: some of my fellow members are holding me accountable to get $5,000 of recurring monthly revenue from my existing product before I can get distracted and launch my next product – ha!). Pero la razón por terminando este blog post es porque LO DUELE! Acabo de ver que hay otra chica ya (you’ve got to love Facebook… smirk), y como no puedo dormir ahora, puedo obligarme a sentir (yuck!)

– April 14, 2012 –
It was my last Saturday at the Sufi derga in Buenos Aires. Today’s discussion included gratitude. I couldn’t help but share with my sheikh (the spiritual leader of the derga, fondly referred to as “Baba”) that I noticed a distinct internal shift — being in BsAs had turned on a spark within me that put me in a state of constant gratitude… sure I was living in a beautiful city, in this wonderful neighborhood, had fallen in love, found a spiritual leader who I could completely connect with, etc, etc, but I also found myself delighted by the smallest experiences — be it with places (wonderful parks, my fav gelateria, beautiful architecture and more), or experiences with people (like getting my ‘ajo picante fix’ from the poor Bolivian woman who used to sit on the sidewalk within 2 blocks of my apartment, trying to make a living for herself by selling some vegetables… or being a beacon of light for Emiliano, when he couldn’t relate to any of his friends, or even the world… or cheering up a friend with tickets to an orchestra performance in Teatro Colon, because her mom was very sick and she deserved to smile… and many more). Baba replied, that the key is to be full of gratitude no matter where you are (and he went on to list various different cities around the world in order to make his point). He then went on to say that true gratitude is such that you remain grateful even when whatever it is you are grateful for… is gone.

Okay Baba — I remember your advice… he is gone (ha, I say this as if before today he was here, or mine). Yet, I am STILL grateful — for a wonderful experience, for wonderful memories and for a wonderful process of growth. Here is the “sprinklings of Rumi” I promised:

“Although I may try to describe love,
when I experience it, I am speechless.
Although I may try to write about love, I am rendered helpless.
My pen breaks, and the paper slips away”

I even find myself being grateful that he moved on as soon as he did (and not-so-subtly in my face), because although I have known since before we even said goodbye that I needed to let him go… only now I am able to pry open the tightly clasped fingers around my heart…

– April 24, 2012 –
I wrote this poem within a week of coming back home, eager to put my new Spanish/English dictionary to use (and my understanding of the subjunctive mood), giving myself permission to sound both dramatic and romantic (y un poco cursi tambien, jaja):

Ojalá

Algunas veces, pienso
Ojalá que el amor no fuera ciego
Ojalá que el amor pudiera entender la distancia
Ojalá que el amor pudiera entender la edad y el tiempo
Ojalá que el amor pudiera entender las estaciones de la vida

Pero en realidad
Ojalá que no le importe la distancia, el tiempo y las estaciones
Ojalá que yo pudiera estar entre sus brazos
Ojalá que me llovieran sus besos
Ojalá que pudiéramos estar juntos hoy

– May 1, 2012 –
“… It’s funny because this guy I met in Toronto said to me, “we dont get over the most significant person in our life until someone else comes and replaces them” … Maybe that’s why I was FINALLY able to let go of Karl(*) (or at least forgive myself/ let go of the pain part). So anyway …maybe this is a blessing too you came into my life to open my heart and also raise the bar… My curse is that I cant let go of you completely until I find a partner who is truly wonderful! So basically I cant settle. Way to hold me accountable Felipe…”

– May 12, 2012 –
In order to lighten up this post a tad, I have to share the words of wisdom from my older and super cool cousin who lives in Los Angeles (her kids even go to the same private school as Christina Aguilera’s kid), and I had the pleasure of visiting her and her family last weekend. Of course I didn’t know then what I discovered a few days later, but she still managed to be straight up and snap me into reality (and YES, with a HOLLYWOOD reference):

“… he’s WAY too young. This won’t work… I mean, look at Demi Moore… she tried SO hard… I mean, she must have not eaten a thing for months [and still Ashton cheated on her and left her].”

She was so dead serious as she told me this. I laughed and told her I thought of the exact same Hollywood example but in all seriousness, I understood that we couldn’t work given that we were in such different stages of our lives

– April 16, 2012 // May 16, 2012 –
I started writing this poem on a park bench in Plaza Alemania in Buenos Aires, and chalked up the final verse one month later (i.e. today):

El Amor Contra El Ego

Cuando lo conocí
Habría podido elegir ignorarlo
porque sabía que él era mucho mas joven que yo
Pero eligí el amor y el momento
y disfruté bailar con él bajo las estrellas

Cuando quería conocerlo más
Podría haber jugado con el
para evitar sentir el rechazo
Pero eligí el amor y la generosidad
y me sorprendí al aprender que dar es recibir

Cuando supe que lo amaba
Tuve miedo de que sí decía esto a él,
tal vez lo perdería
Pero eligí el amor y el verdad
y compartí todos mis sentimientos con él

Cuando él regresó a Colombia
Pude estar triste
porque lo extrañaba mucho
Pero eligí el amor y agradecimiento
y estuve feliz porque probé el amor verdadero

Entonces, algunos meses más tarde…

Cuando descubrí que él conoció a otra chica ya
Me dolió mucho
(obvio! soy humana y tengo sentimientos)
Pero elijo el amor y cariño
y sonrío porque él es feliz

Being true to my style, I have even managed to keep this “lo duele” (it hurts) post pretty optimistic. So to wrap this, I’ll borrow a few words from Rumi:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Thank you Felipe — for breaking down some of these barriers, simply through your presence and love, and for helping me discover other barriers that I need to consciously kick away from time to time, such that I may fall in love again.

As one chapter closes, another begins…

“Había una vez…”

 

Drown out all the voices

Earlier this year I wrote a blog post about following my heart (ie. the #1 reason I decided to live in Buenos Aires for a few months, hence the title of the post: sigan su corazón. But as I have recently been catching up with like-minded entrepreneurial friends currently working in Norway, Tanzania and China, I realized a related, but important addition: “Drown out all the voices.” This is a piece of advice I got from an experienced entrepreneur, when I prompted him to share some words of wisdom with me. I also got, “find something that you’re so excited about, that you jump out of bed every morning to work on it.”

As I caught up with friends, after returning from Buenos Aires, I realized that a key benefit of spending the last 4 months in South America was that I was finally able to drown out all the voices (the ones I fondly listed in my last post) and find my OWN voice [Aside – if escaping to another continent is not plausible, you can also accomplish this through meditation].

However you achieve it, is less important

—-

Some more context…

Let’s rewind two years – It was a sunny June weekend in Miami and I was laying by the pool in a gorgeous hotel that I was spending the day/1 night at (for free ). I had quit my consulting gig 3 months prior, but even more courageous was the step I took just the week before – When I realized that the friend’s start-up I had joined just 2 months prior (with the intention of being a co-founder) was not right for me, and talked the team and quit that project too. The “go-forward plan” (yes, my father is an engineer, so there always needed to be “a plan”) was to spend the next three months reading books on entrepreneurship and social entrepreneurship (both interests of mine) and try to generate new business ideas. I was excited (I mean how many of us get the opportunity to take a step back and start over with blank page, free to choose any colour, any medium). But I was also anxious (as exciting as it was to explore the unknown, I was scared). What was most draining however, is feeling like I had to justify both my pause and the change of direction.

To add to this anxiety, I had previously decided to “crash” the firm day festivities of my old consulting firm. I wasn’t actually going to show up to any of the company events – just share a super nice hotel room with my friend, enjoy some “me” time by the pool during the afternoon, and head to Miami Beach with my friends the following day once the “work stuff” was over… for some sun, fun and lots of partying. What I hadn’t anticipated was that everyone who spotted me would ask me about my start-up (yup, the one I quit just a week ago and didn’t feel the need to share).

So as I lay by the hotel pool reading Borrowing Brilliance (definitely one of my favourites), I was pleasantly surprised to hear from Karl(*), an ex who had an interesting and very public entrepreneurial journey (yes the same one I mentioned supposedly broke my heart). It had been almost a year since we had seen each other, and yet I was STILL infatuated by him — an Ivy-league magna cum laude grad who dreamed big, took a huge risk, failed BIG, and picked himself back up again.

We shared the dreaded catch-up on both business and life/relationships. He went first, and although I was sad to hear that he wasn’t happy with his personal life (I was expecting him to tell me he was engaged), but the more dominating emotion was fear, when it was my turn to share updates and the knot in my stomach grew tigher, especially as I tried to sound optimistic with my “business” catch up. I wondered if he could see through my fake confidence, but he was incredibly supportive. I was rather unkind with my words (clearly, was NOT over him at the time) and said, “well although I can’t say the same about your personal life, I really admire your path in business – could you share some words of wisdom with me, Karl(*)?” His response (after “Ouch!”), was “drown out all the voices.”

(*) OBVIOUSLY not his real name

 

The art of 80/20

I first heard the ’80/20 rule’ when preparing for management consulting interviews in my senior year of college. You know, (borrowed from Wikipedia):

• 80% of your profits come from 20% of your customers
• 80% of your complaints come from 20% of your customers
• 80% of your profits come from 20% of the time you spend
• 80% of your sales come from 20% of your products
• 80% of your sales are made by 20% of your sales staff

I certainly used the 80/20 rule as a management consultant, when analyzing data and working towards solving the most strategic level issues for our clients. I used the rule to make smart assumptions in lieu of real data (because it either didn’t exist or was too expensive/timely to obtain). But our work was always perfectly packaged in beautifully formatted slide decks, etc (very comforting for us type A perfectionist-types), and we were often found in our team rooms, working late into the night — not very 80/20-ish at all!

The ’80/20 rule’ became REAL for me in the days leading up to my beta launch. In the true spirt of being LEAN (or more accurately, by committing to a launch date only 3 weeks away), I was incredibly focused on the 80%. So for my beta launch, I knew I wanted at least 10 paying customers (side note: I’m at 18!). And so I built my email marketing campaign around doing just that. I didn’t scrape the ideal email list, I didn’t have the right amount of touch points, my sales funnel wasn’t seamless, etc. Heck, I even built the first version of my member-only site ON my supposed beta launch day (i.e. when I was convincing people to start paying me)… in just ONE Sunday afternoon (got to love SaaS companies with built in templates), and met up with friends in Plaza Francia for mate and live music later that day.

The ’80/20 fun’ continued once I actually launched (I’m just over 3 weeks in at this point). The most critical pieces have been marketing (I didn’t get those 18 customers using magic) and product development / content. What that meant is I didn’t obsess over the product name or logo (funny side point: I purchased rights to use an image for $3, and that’s working out just fine as my make-shift logo for now). When I needed to record an audio file of myself, I used the software I already purchased (Skype call recorder), but it required me to Skype my cousin in Chicago and ask her to mute herself (whatever, it worked!).

I have MANY such examples of hacking together ‘good enough’ solutions, but where am I going with all of this? In just 6 weeks, I’ve made LOTS of mistakes, run into LOTS of hiccups, and overcome them with LOTS of makeshift solutions. For a girl who used to strive for 100% on her math tests, shooting for 80% is a new concept, and I’m really enjoying it! I’m not saying that we should be lazy and build crappy products for our customers. All I’m saying is that by being extremely customer-focused, I can solve the customer’s problem by only spending 20% of my time and resources. It frees up time for learning Spanish, reading The Power of Less, practicing guitar chords, basking in the sun, latino romances, or heck, even working on idea extraction for my NEXT product.

Can’t help but wonder how much fun I’ve missed out on all these years by being a perfectionist

 

Getting unstuck

Have you ever felt stuck? I mean REALLY stuck? You know, almost like you’re in quick sand (where the longer you stay stuck, the deeper you sink, and the harder it seems to pull yourself out)? Maybe you were overwhelmed with the challenge ahead of you and didn’t know where to begin. Or maybe you were taking a risk and were scared of the downfalls. Or maybe you had fallen down so many times, and knew you needed to get up, but didn’t know how, or where to head to next. Or maybe you… [insert another situation here and maybe share your story in the comments].

Funny enough, I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while. I first became aware of being stuck back in December. And had the desire to pull myself out of it in January. I thought I was ready to write about it then, but I have added insight now, so perhaps it’s for the better that I am finally penning these thoughts down now.

To be fair, I’ve had multiple “spurts” of productivity since then. And isn’t that what this path is filled of anyway – ups and downs – just with varying lengths, slopes and durations?

In an effort to pull myself out over the past few months, I inadvertently focused on the wrong thing — other people! I felt pressure that I need to be successful to prove myself to everyone, including:

My family, who loves me dearly and wants only the best for me

• My mom tried to encourage me to find a job (to be fair, this was during a period when I was REALLY stuck, a time that I feel uncomfortable just thinking about, easily the darkest time in my journey to date), finally proclaiming, “just open the newspaper and apply for something!” (sorry, I had to throw that in as it’s really funny). I know she loves me, it’s just that she doesn’t necessarily understand that her path (she’s always had a job… as a teacher) is not necessarily my calling
• My father (an engineer), who was very supportive of me in quitting my job and trying out the entrepreneurial path, was there every time I changed course, to say, “hmm, glad you tried it, maybe it’s time for you to get a job now.” He just wanted to see my plan and so every time I would convince him that my new direction is going to work, he would say, “okay.” He’s an engineer, and to him, there is always a plan. Update: I just told him that today I got my 10^th customer 5 days after my launch  and he is VERY happy for me.
• My brother, who mailed me a birthday card last month (yes, super sweet) with a note inside that read, “hopefully by this time next year, you’ll be engaged”… yes the same brother who wrote me a lovely note that I blogged about last fall. I know his comments are coming from love, and he’s only projecting what he perceives as a positive outcome on me based on HIS perceptions, shaped by HIS experience.

My mentors/supporters/friends, who have ALWAYS believed in me, even when I have doubted myself

• I’m so lucky to have amazing mentors/supporters – I have fellow young entrepreneurs (friends, really), a university professor, and mentor who I’ve known since my final year of university (who has seen me grow from a student leader, to a management consultant, and through the last 2 years of my entrepreneurial “blackbox”) — and let’s not forget my super-supportive true friends who have not let me give up on myself. So I have always felt the pressure to just prove them all RIGHT! You know, “hey! I know you’ve believed in me all along… and look, you were right!”

Other entrepreneurs, especially those who I look up to!

• My fellow entrepreneurial friends (okay maybe not all of them, but definitely TWO in particular) had a BIG part in pushing me to take the leap of faith and quit my consulting gig to pursue this path. I’ve looked up to them as a consultant, in their courage to take a risk. I’ve looked up to them as a “failing” aspiring entrepreneur, as they have continued to grow their businesses. They never stopped believing in me, but I have been keen to earn my stripes and join them — dare I say it, as an equal!
• The entrepreneur who broke my heart ~3 years ago. He believed in me and my potential from the start (or at least told me this). Yet, each time we touched base again (yes, we sort of managed to stay in touch over the years), he would ask me about where I was at on the business front. I hated it. Sure he once failed in a big way and knows first hand that the entrepreneurial path is full of ups and downs, but for whatever reason, I’ve really wanted to show him that I could do it!
• Also random — there was a software entrepreneur who was genuinely surprised and excited about my interest in building a software business, proclaiming, “but you know… girls usually like to do other stuff… like cook…” (I interrupted him before he could dig himself in a deeper hole). I know he didn’t mean any harm, and funny enough, since his comment, he has helped me a ton. But I’ve certainly thought about his comment to help me get fired up inside.

Holy! That was a long list — but that’s just it! Notice how nowhere on the list do you see 1) ME, 2) my customers/market. So my attempt to get un-stuck was at fault. It was only a bandaid solution… and guess what? It didn’t work. Because even though it would fuel me up for a day or two, I would fall back down, feeling more stuck than before.

Then March came around, and that was a HUGE kick-in-the-pants. Why? Partly because my birthday is in March (and birthdays tend to be a reflective time of the year for me, like New Year’s). But more so because I gave myself a “birthday present” two years ago by quitting my job… and so I naturally think, “oh shit! what have I accomplished since?” The first week of March, I got a push to get something together (and fast). I was scared because the software roundtable was going to come to a close at the end of the March. I was embarrassed to face the group because in my heart I knew I had slacked off, and I felt like I had let them all down. Then there was more fear — I would be returning home in 1.5 months, and it would be embarrassing to face all the people I listed above, without a single $ in revenue. Needless to say, I PANICKED! I confided in a fellow software roundtable member (thanks Tyler!) and he held me accountable that week (each day asking me what I was to accomplish that day, with a silly “punishment” if I didn’t keep my promise). Again, it sort of worked that week. But as I was only acting out of FEAR, it too was a bandaid solution.

And then, an epiphany! I needed to do this… not for me… but for my customers (naturopathic doctors) and the subsequent impact they were going to have on their patients. I realized, this wasn’t about me. And suddenly, to borrow Jay Abraham‘s words, it was my “moral obligation” to at least try to solve a problem I had identified a few months ago. So instead of acting out of FEAR, I was now acting out of LOVE.

And that changed everything! My mindset shifted four weeks ago, and it’s been SUCH an enjoyable ride since! I launched phase 1 of my business on April 1 (yes, just 5 days ago), and I’m proud to say that I got my 10th paying customer today. That’s $1,500 of gross revenue, and I’m only getting started! I know it’s not ONLY about the money (but metrics are important, especially this one because it is a validation that your product/service is valued).

I can honestly say that FINALLY, my head and heart are working towards the same thing. And so I know that good things are in store for me. And besides, I am incredibly customer-focused right now, so there is no “getting stuck” for this girl… I have customers to help! It’s incredibly empowering… and I’m feeding off this momentum!

[Side note: sorry to my friends who are learning about this launch for the first time via my blog. I'll tell you more when I'm back home].

**

A note (for me, really, to make this already WAY TOO LONG blog post EVEN longer — haha):

Wow, it’s been SO long since I last wrote (and let’s be honest, the Happy Women’s Day post does not count). There are just so many blog posts that are brewing in my head right now, so I finally decided to “treat myself” to a couple of hours of writing today. Hoy es un feriado (¡Felices Pascuas!), el sol esta brillando, y tengo solo 10 días en esta cuidad hermosa.

I’m currently sitting in Recoleta Cemetery (yes, a tourist favourite in Buenos Aires, which I happened to live super close to for two whole months, but only visited once, and that too with friends visiting from Boston). I love Recoleta – I loved living here for my first 2 months in this amazing city, and I think I love it even more now after having to move out of my first apartment.

I had originally intended to write in Plaza Francia (the park outside Recoleta Cemetery), but I spent my first 40 minutes getting distracted by the market as I checked out all the things I wanted to buy to take back with me to Canada and chatted with vendors, some of whom I have gotten to know over the past months.

 

Happy International Women’s Day!

For all the women celebrating International Women’s Day today, I would like to share two gifts:

(1) The Power of Less

I’ve had MANY people recommend The Power of Less to me, and although I am only partway through the book, it’s already worth sharing with others. And in the spirit of keeping things simple, I’ll keep this post brief.

I am definitely guilty of trying to juggle too many things at once! And worse, procrastinating the important tasks (e.g. I find myself choosing to practice Spanish verb conjugations instead of knocking out important to-do’s that are going to ensure I launch my beta on time). Don’t get me wrong… learning Spanish while I’m here in BsAs is important to me (and I NEED to spend time on it). But it’s about setting limits — so that I am working towards achieving ALL my “essential” goals, without burning myself out (yes, the book teaches you how to accomplish this).

(2) More Sleep

I was already a fan of Arianna Huffington, but after watching her TEDWomen talk below, I appreciate her wit, success and leadership even more:

Looking back on my consulting years, I can’t help but laugh at my old self, who would sometimes (albeit unknowingly) brag how MANY hours I had worked, or how FEW hours I had slept, as a result of being on a rough project. Yikes — such a New Yorker/banker/consultant mentality!

Sure there will be some LONG nights in my entrepreneurial adventures to come, but I appreciate that it is a creative process, so I’m not going to over-work myself just for the sake of it… and yes, I enjoy a good night’s sleep. Hope you can too!

Again, Happy International Women’s Day!

 

El corazón juega (part 2)

I promise this is not going to turn into a blog about love (besides, my friend, [YT], thinks I should write a whole BOOK on that subject). But I can’t resist the temptation to write a quick follow-up to my Valentine’s Day post: El corazón juega(*).

Anyway, I shared yesterday’s post with many friends from all over the world (literally every continent except for Antartica) and was SO touched by ALL the comments that flooded my inbox. Some highlights (in addition to the comments that were posted directly): [SA] is going to pursue a love interest, [JB] and I discussed that maybe there is a business opportunity in teaching North American men to be more like romantic latinos (ha!), [MA] told me she almost cried when she read it, and my two favourite responses are:

[MM from Chile]: “I got tears on my eyes, what happened to u is the most incredible thing that someone can live on this life! Not all of us have the chance to live something so pure, so beautiful, so intense… as u did! This is amazing! I’m so happy for u. I can tell the happiness in every single word that u wrote. OMG! espectacular! I’m speechless“

[CC from Hong Kong]: “It’s funny how you just need to meet that one person who opens your heart. I think in ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ one of the guys explains to the protagonist that soul mates are meant to come in and teach you something about yourself and then leave… they can’t stay because it would be too hard.“

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

So there you go! Felipe did all of that… including leaving (but in a gentle way), and funny enough, I did meet a spiritual master here in Buenos Aires since then. What’s most beautiful is that this love that I uncovered through Felipe is still growing — not only for him, but for EVERYONE (be it strangers, acquaintances, friends, family… whether they are in my past, present, or future). He helped me peel off a layer (or more). The spiritual journey continues, but I am a little more “awake”… and it is simply wonderful!

Also, perfect timing — today I received the following beautiful letter from Felipe (yes, through snail mail). Although I plan to cherish it always, I feel the need to capture it here, just in case it somehow gets lost over the years (and yes, he speaks English perfectly):

As [long] as I can remember, I’ve spent my time [trying] to understand life, hoping to grasp it, and even more so, to accept it. In the process though, something unexpected resulted: I developed an ever-growing love for the gift that is life, for its endless possibilities, and for the wonderful surprises that it presents to us…

When I first met you, as our bodies danced and your eyes engulfed me, I found myself helplessly delighted by you: your astonishing beauty, your joy towards life, your boundless eagerness to explore it, your brilliant mind, your big heart, and great sensibility… there were (as will forever be the case) no limits to you.

Even more though, to my surprise, as the days went by and the magic grew, I came across something that defied logic: a feeling, a connection… home. I felt myself in a state of peace, feeling whole and complete, with you by my side, and beautifully enough, in my heart.

Thus it was that life presented me with a gift like no other… Love.

You showed me the beauty in life through love, simply by being you, and thus, I thank you with all that I am, for being your beautiful self, for allowing me to be a part of your life, and for delighting me by being part of mine. My love and friendship are eternally yours, and at any time, wherever you may be, know that my heart will be loving you unconditionally, and will forever be open to you.

Te amo, y siempre lo haré!

Con todo mi cariño y aprecio,

Un amigo incondicional

–

(*) Quick context: the title translates to “the heart plays” and I learned this phrase on one fine Sunday afternoon in the market outside Recoleta Cemetery, where I was looking for a mini gift to include in the package I was sending to Colombia. At each stall that I stopped to look, I tried to explain that I wasn’t looking for something for myself, but rather for “un amigo especial.” And they would say, “oh, tu novio?” And I would try and explain, “no, es un poco complicado…” When I did find what I was looking for, I spoke to the lady for several minutes trying to explain it all (in Spanish of course). Somehow, when forced to think (and feel) each word in Spanish, I always start crying when sharing my love story. Super embarrassed that I was standing in the middle of the market with tears strolling down my face, I asked her if she thought I was crazy. And she replied, “no… no creo que estás loco… el corazón juega.” So I use that as my excuse for being emotional and cheesy: “no puedo evitarlo… el corazón juega!”

 

 

El corazón juega

I was concerned about writing about “love” on an entrepreneurship blog, thus procrastinated this post for WEEKS. But given that it is Valentine’s Day today, ¿por qué no? Besides, by living through the love story I am going to attempt to capture here, I realized that my entrepreneurial journey is not just limited to my career pursuits — it is my perspective on LIFE as a whole! And guess what? Life includes falling in love. If romantic stories make you gag, you have been warned — read no further!

SO cliché, eh? Young woman falls in love with a romantic, Latino man. Please believe me when I say that this caught me completely by surprise. My heart was closed, I was skeptical and jaded, I was not looking for love — besides, how do you look for something that you don’t even believe in, right? En serio – antes de llegar a Buenos Aires, o más exactamente, antes de conocer a Felipe, yo no creo en el amor. And then it happened — the kind of love I only understood intellectually before (where the lines between giving and receiving are blurred), but never dreamed of experiencing. It’s crazy and most of you will not understand it, but I only wish that someday you will experience this for yourself…

Tal vez, fue la magia de la Navidad... We met at a Christmas party. I didn’t even notice him until he asked me to dance, but we clicked almost immediately, y bailamos bajo las estrellas por toda la noche. We ended up spending much of Christmas weekend together and it was then that we uncovered our shared interests in travel, spirituality, entrepreneurship. We were so comfortable with each other, it was as if we had known each other our entire lives!

When I reflected back on our first weekend together, I actually cried. I was moved… part because I literally experienced an internal shift in my perspective on life and relationships… and part because had I been rational/analytical about our encounter, I would have NEVER given him a chance [Flag 1: he is in a completely different life stage than me (yes, much younger); Flag 2: he was returning to Colombia very soon]. I couldn’t help but wonder, “how many of life’s gifts are right there in front of us, but we don’t allow ourselves to appreciate/enjoy them simply because we judge them based on our preferences, which by nature, are limited to past experiences?“

Even if that weekend was all I got to share with Felipe, I would have been grateful for that. But I was lucky, as I continued to see him until he flew back to Bogota. I won’t bore you with the details (not that the details are boring), but I will share some of my favourite “cursi” (cheesy) highlights:

• Many months ago, during one of my trips to NY, I was penning my thoughts in my journal on a park bench in Washington Square Park, across the famous arch. I couldn’t help but notice a young couple (I assume from NYU) sitting nearby who were very much into each other and in the moment, completely oblivious to their surroundings. I couldn’t help but look at them longingly, wanting the same for myself. Well, let’s just say, I got my moment, on a park bench in Plaza San Martin (Buenos Aires)
• We spent one weekend together at Iguazu National Park, and I was SO present during most of the trip (completely consumed in each moment, and that moment alone). Looking back at some of our pictures, I can see I was “child-like”… And together, this presence, this love, radiated — and was incredibly infectious. Throughout our trip, we touched others through our love, including a man who took our picture, who thought we were on our honeymoon (ha!) and offered Rico(*) the following advice (in Spanish, of course), “the key is to make her fall in love with you every single day“
• There were MANY cheesy romantic pictures throughout our trip. One of our favourite backdrops were the mini waterfalls we discovered “off-the-beaten-track,” and thus a welcome change from the swarm of tourists in the rest of the park. Here is one below:

• He taught me how to sing one of the songs he had composed, “The Love of My Life(*),” and we sang it to each other as a duet a couple of times during the trip, including at the hotel restaurant.
• Cheesier still, upon returning to Buenos Aires, we went to a park in Palermo, climbed a tree overlooking a large pond and sang to each other as he played the guitar.

What’s most profound, however, is not the list of romantic highlights, but how I felt (and continue to feel), even AFTER we parted ways. Of course I was sad that he was no longer here and I missed him “heaps” (random Aussie-ness), but to borrow his words, “you can either be sad for what isn’t or happy for what is.” Indeed, I have MUCH to be grateful for! Ironically, even the two “flags” I mentioned earlier are gifts — because I can take comfort in the fact that what we shared was only intended to be enjoyed for the moment (it was never meant for keeps).

Below is part of the email I wrote to my sister-in-law about my experience with Felipe:

“Not only did I fall in love [it's been a while] but I also love him completely… even before I knew that the feeling was mutual. He has helped me grow… he has helped my heart heal.. and finally [through him], I understand all my past relationships… they don’t pain me anymore… he showed me just how wonderful life is and just how much I have to offer the world… I KNOW I will be able to fully love someone again… and he has given me the courage to give men a chance… I believe in love without pain… I actually believe in love again…”

Closing Valentine’s Day messages:

Felipe, después de conocerte, creo que es mejor haber amado y perdido que nunca haber amado. Pero en realidad, para nosotros, el amor sigue siendo. Nada se pierde, solo cambiaba… de amantes a amigos! Te amo mucho — ayer, hoy, siempre! Gracias por todo!

For the rest of you, my Valentine’s Day challenge to you: VIVA LA VIDA. Reflect on your life… are you living it FULLY? Or are your preferences limiting you from enjoying all that life has to offer?

“It’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit.
Start whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same.
There are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it.
I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you never felt before.
I hope you meet people who have a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start it all over again.”

- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

–

(*) Please don’t judge the poor recording quality… he only used his Macbook!

 

100% certainty

I must say that in the entrepreneurial world, most things are ‘fuzzy.’ Here’s one thing that is 100% for CERTAIN: If you do not try, you are GUARANTEED to fail! I happen to be a (proud) Canadian, so it is only appropriate that I borrow Wayne Gretzy’s hockey quote, “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” But for my American friends, you can’t hit a home run, if you don’t take a swing

The inspiration for this post is my own emotions leading to inaction. I was pretty confident that I had validated a B2B idea and was ready to ‘start building,’ and only 2 weeks before Christmas, I found myself back at square one. And sure, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t pick myself back up again (given that I preached this in an earlier post). However, given that I am thousands of miles away from my friends and family and have recently increased my burn rate by ~300%, it is no surprise that I am scared, frustrated, and a little discouraged. So much so, that I have been stuck in ‘quicksand’ for several weeks now, taking very little (if any) action.

I have been here before (I can recall at least three other occasions of varying lengths). It’s awful, especially if it lingers for too long. In talking to other entrepreneurs, I know I am not alone in going through this! But HOW do I pull myself out… how do I get back into my groove?

 

Feliz Año Nuevo desde Buenos Aires

The start of a new year tends to be a reflective time for me (surely, I’m not alone here). Funny enough, about a year ago (Dec 2010), I was SO down on myself and my lack of success in my entrepreneurial journey, that I was dreading New Year’s Eve. I certainly didn’t feel like I had anything to celebrate — what had I accomplished that year? What I really wanted to do instead was crawl into a hole and hibernate (not sure what this would solve, but the feeling was genuine). Although I didn’t end up secluding myself, I used a different defense mechanism — I ran away. With just four days’ notice, I booked a two week trip to Australia, conveniently such that I would miss New Year’s Eve altogether. By the time the plane crossed the international dateline over the Pacific, it was 3am on Jan 1, 2011. Phew — I avoided the over-hyped, over-priced parties, I avoided the countdown, I avoided the champagne toast, I avoided pretending I was happy! There was a strange comfort in this, as somehow, because I did not celebrate New Year’s Eve, I allowed myself more time. In hindsight, this whole ordeal seems rather ridiculous.

As it turned out, even my runaway vacation happened for a reason. Long story short, I ended up working on a short term project for my old consulting company. It was a win-win-win for all parties involved (me, firm and client) and was an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Fast forwarding to Dec 2011, there was just as much uncertainty and chaos in my life, but I was strangely settled in it. Although I did end up returning to the southern hemisphere, I am not running away this time!  And given that I did celebrate New Year’s Eve this year, it only seems appropriate to look back and see how much I have grown over the last year. In terms of metrics of success determined by society, I have achieved nothing (didn’t launch a new business, didn’t buy a house, didn’t get a promotion, etc., etc.), but in my heart, I know that I am getting closer — and that alone is worth celebration.

2011 has been great, but I ‘know’ that 2012 will be even better.

I have taken inspiration from Marc & Angel and am committing to the following principles for this year (copied and pasted DIRECTLY from their blog, so better yet, you can read it here).

“Remember today, for it is the beginning. Today marks the start of a brave new future.”

1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.
2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them.  Problems will not disappear unless you take action.  Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done.  It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch.  These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.
3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed.  Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become.  Be honest with every aspect of your life, always.  Because you are the one person you can forever count on.  Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are.  Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter.  If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself.  Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you.  And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.
5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are.  Be yourself.  Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else.  Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms.  Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.
6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle.  Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future.  Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past.  Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening.  Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.
7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress.  If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning.  Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again.  Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving.  Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures.  One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.
8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?  The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  You must love who you are or no one else will.
9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc.  Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind.  You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now.  So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.
10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out.  Smile because you can.  Choose happiness.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow.  Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it.  If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it.  But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Most of the time you just have to go for it!  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  Win-Win.
12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready!  Think about it.  You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward.  So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.
13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be.  Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment.  And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.
14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made.  People and priorities change.  As some relationships fade others will grow.  Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.  Trust your judgment.  Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time.  You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself.  You are competing to be the best you can be.  Aim to break your own personal records.
16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them.  Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for those who are making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Be thankful for their blessings, openly.  What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope.  Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times.  And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right.  Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.
18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others.  And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go.  Forgiveness is the remedy.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people.  Guide them if you know a better way.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.  Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  And so on and so forth.
20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition.  Be true to yourself.  Say what you need to say.  Do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks.– Slow down.  Breathe.  Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose.  When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity.  These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.
22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day.  Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner.  Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.
23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’  One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are.  Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal.  No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.
24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.  Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen.  Get out there and DO something!  The harder you work the luckier you will become.  While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it.  By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it.  Talk to those closest to you.  Tell them the truth about how you feel.  Let them listen.  The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.
26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them.  Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will.  And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own.  You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life.  And no, it won’t always be easy.  Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them.  But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles.  Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.
27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis.  You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people.  Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty.  Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.
28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something.  Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation.  Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.
29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it.  The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.  Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward.  No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things.  Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.  Read The How of Happiness.
30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.”  Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.  You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.  You didn’t go to sleep outside.  You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning.  You hardly broke a sweat today.  You didn’t spend a minute in fear.  You have access to clean drinking water.  You have access to medical care.  You have access to the Internet.  You can read.  Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

 

Sigan su corazon

Feliz Año Neuvo desde Buenos Aires!!

I arrived in BsAs three weeks ago, knowing only one porteño here and with a very limited Spanish vocabulary. Naturally, I have been asked the question “Why?” (by friends/family from home) or “What are you doing here” (easy conversation starter when meeting new people here). It makes sense to share the real answer here, along with some early reflections… so here goes:

1. I genuinely love to travel, explore new places, cultures, people.
2. I wanted to disassociate my travel adventures with my old career. As a consultant, I was fortunate  to live (and work) in New York, Jo-burg, and Melbourne — I loved each of these experiences. What was stopping me from having an adventure in my new career path too?
3. (Strangely), I wanted to increase my burn rate to provide additional incentive/pressure to work towards my goal of setting up recurring revenue sooner.
4. I wanted to work towards my goal of experiencing living on each continent (aside from Antartica — as I don’t much care for cold weather). I have also lived in Pakistan… so that just left South America and Europe on my list.
5. I wanted to learn Spanish once and for all, and being immersed in the language is a HUGE incentive to learn quickly.
6. Many friends had raved about their trip to Argentina / Buenos Aires
7. Since I was working towards building a lifestyle business that was location-independent, “¿por qué no?” Besides, thanks to the software roundtable, I had the luxury of a supportive entrepreneurial community regardless of where in the world I decided to go.
8. Simply, my heart (and gut?) was pulling me here.

I had a wonderful Argentinean Christmas here — celebrated Christmas Eve with my friend’s family. We enjoyed a delicious dinner (yes, Argentines eat late… I think we started eating at 10pm), followed by games, champagne toast at midnight and fireworks! Later, the youngsters went to an “after-party”… we danced to latino music under the stars well past dawn (including reggaeton and cumbia).

New Year’s Eve was a delight as well. There was much to celebrate — 2011 has been a wonderful year. What excites me about 2012 is that I am really, truly starting to enjoy the JOURNEY (in fact, this blog is a tribute to that). Below is my new year’s wish for everyone, and especially for myself!

“Feliz Año Nuevo a todos desde BsAs. Espero que sigan su corazón, tomen riesgos, disfruten cada momento – vivan la vida!”

Translation: “Hope that you follow your heart, take risks, enjoy each moment – live life!” I honestly believe I am closer to following this mantra than I have ever been before in my life!  In fact, the biggest reason I am here in Buenos Aires today is because I followed my heart.